At my grandmother’s house in my hometown in India, there is a picture of a very old man in the living room. It is my great grandfather, a man of strong principles and a big heart. I never met him but I carry some of his blood. The picture has text written next to it.
समय से पहले और भाग्य से अधिक किसीको कुछ नहीं मिलता Before the decided time comes, no one gets anything more than what’s in their luck.
Growing up, I never understood this despite reading it every summer, when we visited my grandma. I have finally begun to appreciate its wisdom this year. Far from being pessimistic, this line helps me breathe easily. What is mine will come to me as long as I am still and trusting of the universe. Nothing happens at random. I must be patient with what I seek. I must honour my desires and act on them, and then leave the rest to the universe. I do not understand its mystical workings at all, but there is a time for everything and attempting to jump ahead only causes friction in the heart.
When I am impatient with what has been given to me, I risk the present for the supposedly glorious future. It is a risk not worth taking. Who wants to give away the now for an illusion of ‘enough’? It is the great paradox of life to aspire for something higher yet be content with where I am. It is my deepest intention for 2024 to be in the present moment. To be grateful for it.
To participate in life wholly, not nibble at the edges.
When I am not participating in life, my strawberries are half eaten, the tea on my table unfinished and cold. My life cannot be an aesthetic, I must be authentic to my desires. When I am not participating in life, I sigh in relief when friends leave my home and say one thing and do the other. When I am not participating in life, I treat joy as a crumb and hide at the first sign of being discovered. When I am not participating in life, I visit places from far away and never indulge. When I am not participating in life, I prefer that 50 people say hello to me with a faint sign of recognition rather than 5 who deeply welcome my existence. When I am not participating in life, I live my days in the tyranny of the ‘ideal’ and always think that I should be doing something else.
Joy is not meant to be a crumb. I need to participate in life. I want to.
I must allow life to come in through my front door and leave through my window. I must make enough space for strangers to be friends, not as a glamorous facade but as people that really know me. I would rather be loved than popular. I must cultivate ease and trust. Although I am a visitor on this earth, I do not want to act like one. I am made from the same things that have been here forever. In 2024, I will let life go through me. I will open my front door and windows.
A very dear friend told me this year that I was cut from the cloth of God, I will be a grateful garment.
My need to be known as ‘good’ often surpasses my need to be true to myself. This year, I have paid close attention to the games of the ego. It made me think everything was about me, how silly. I must not assume to be the centre, our actions build our legacy but it is another great paradox of life that action cannot be directed towards a self-satisfying goal of being immortal. It is not about me, my work on earth is to be a channel. To be bigger than just my own self. I am learning to take nothing personally. Kahlil Gibran said “People can only meet you as deeply as they have met themselves.” and so it is. When I let go of judgement, there emerges a space where I can see myself and others for who we are, just some people trying to live on a sphere. It is a great joy to share the earth with other beings. Children know this very well, they take great joy in their own and other's quirks. They know love better than adults. The people I have met this year confirm that human beings are the greatest source of joy for each other. In 2024, I intend to take delight in and celebrate the people closest to me, to be child-like again.
On the night before my flight to the UK, where I moved for a masters, I sat down with my bag of memories, quite literally. We all have that one bag where we collect old greeting cards, letters, tickets from vacations and whatnot. I sat with it as if to remind myself that I was loved in India and will be wherever I go next. I wanted to feel good because people had said lovely things about me and as I went through each memory, trying to find proof of my goodness, I realised that it was right there.
The love I was looking for was my own.
People can only meet you as deeply as they have met themselves. I am a person, after all.
This year, my paths crossed with some beautiful people that I can now call friends. They have pushed me to think, reflect and triggered me at several occasions. I have come to see any kind of discomfort or trigger as a great way to learn more about myself. I have been asked to re-evaluate my ways and enquire about them deeper. To put it simply, I now understand that there is no merit in being misunderstood. It is possible to communicate well so that my truth is reflected. Basically, if you tell people, they understand. But you must take them in confidence and tell them.
This year, we have all witnessed great suffering, even if from far away. I am thinking of how violence is becoming so common that it is very difficult to be sensitive. To be sensitive and have empathy is to have your heart broken again and again and again. A large proportion of humankind has chosen to look the other way. It is difficult to watch and witness people suffer. I think we are losing our ability to witness pain and be present for the people feeling it, to act in favour of their well being. Who would have thought that ‘Should the killing of innocent people continue?’ would be a question of debate. In the triple bottom line for any business: profit, people and planet; it is a great shame that we put profit above the other two. I wonder what good will profit do when there are no people left to share with and no planet left to “conquer”. I pray that the new year brings change. I am certain it will.
I welcomed the new year by chanting a line from a shloka (holy verse) that I knew how to say very well but
never understood the meaning of. I welcomed the new year in a room full of smiling and dancing strangers, familiar deities, fire and women with softness in their hugs and power in their eyes. I drank holy cacao from the Peruvian forests, grateful for the blessings and wisdom of my ancestors and angels. I know it all sounds so other worldly, but we have access to the divine exactly where we are. Just look into a mirror. I welcome the new year with a spirit of gift economy, we do for each other what we are good at. I welcome the new year feeling worthy and certain of my success.
I welcome the new year with spaciousness, a readiness to change and faith in the immense potential and possibilities, mine and this earth’s.
Comments